From her book,
The Queen of My Self: Women Stepping into Sovereignty
in Mid Life
(Marlowe & Co./Avalon Publishing May 2004)
Although I have been passionately devoted to the Many
Splendored Goddess in her complex multiplicity for more
than thirty years now, I am not a believer in the Triple
Goddess paradigm. It has never resonated with me because
it belies what I believe to be the true nature of nature.
The Triple Goddess in her tripartite phases is widely
understood to represent the complete cyclical wholeness
of life. She Who is Three is likened to the moon, the
tides, and the seasons, whose mutability She mirrors.
And therein, lies the rub.
I am sorry, but thirty years of researching, teaching,
and writing about Celestially Auspicious Occasions --
the cycles of the cosmos and the earthly seasons, and
the multi-cultural ritual expressions that they inspire
-- I can state unequivocally that the moon has four
quarters, not three, and that there are, as well, four
seasons in the year.
For millennia, the three faces of the Triple Goddess
have, in fact, accurately reflected the stages of women’s
lives -- the developing youth, the nurturing mother
and the wise old woman. She still corresponds with the
real life expectancy and experience of most women in
the world even today who live pretty much as they always
have. The reality of their existence dictates that they
grow quickly through girlhood into early and prolonged
maternity then, if they are lucky enough to survive
multiple childbirths and general poverty, they pass
through menopause directly into old age.
Photographs of my own grandmother when she was younger
than I am now, picture a matronly looking lady with
the Old Worldly stately countenance of a grandmother,
a bubby, an abuela -- a full decade before I was born.
Part of her elderly appearance is purely the style of
the period, the rest a reflection of her hard life and
times.
While certainly there is still much to learn from these
models, the old triple-header construct is no longer
all-inclusive. It doesn’t include a description
of my life or the lives of other contemporary women
in their middle years living in modern developed countries.
It does not address our issues and needs, nor does it
embrace our unique and unprecedented position in society.
It does not even recognize our existence. The old stereotypes
simply do not apply to us.
We have outgrown our tenure as Maidens and as Mothers,
yet old age no longer follows immediately after menopause,
which is why so many midlife women don’t see ourselves
(yet) as Crones. Where is the authentic archetype for
us? There are now, for the first time in herstory and
history combined, entire multi-national generations
of women for whom the Triple Goddess paradigm no longer
resonates. For us -- nearly 50 million climacteric women
in the United States alone -- the tri-level ideal is
flawed.
Folk tales and historical documents featuring positive
depictions of powerful middle age female figures are
few and far between. There is no codified body of literature
to which we can turn for affirmative examples of profound
and potent midlife. Real life role models are sparse,
as well, although there certainly have always been,
in every society, notable and remarkable exceptions
— powerful middle aged women who were rulers,
adventurers, artists, entrepreneurs, scientists, spiritual
leaders -- mature, glamorous, and courageous sheroes
of all stripes. The popular media has typically portrayed
menopausal women as over-the-hill, overwrought, flakes
or furies, completely undesirable in either case.
So who are we supposed to be? And who can teach us
how?
We occupy a truly unique position, poised on the brink
of uncharted waters. This extended and vigorous midlife
period which we are now beginning to experience is largely
unaccounted for in myth and archetype for the simple
reason that such longevity has never before occurred
for the great masses of women as a whole. We desperately
need a new body of role models, examples, and teachers
to encourage us as we explore the unfamiliar terrain
of our changing lives and create new and joyful ways
of being in charge of our own destiny.
Clearly it is time for a change of paradigm. Which
is as it should be. Life is about nothing if not change,
which is, after all, the greatest teaching of the cyclical
Goddess. Her power and inspiration lies in Her infinite
flexibility, Her adept adaptability, Her unbounded ability
to always, always, always change. The Great Goddess,
supreme mistress of the art of tranceformation will
surely respond to the changes in our lives and times
by enlarging the vision of Her Self to include Her fourth
dimension -- and ours. The Great Goodess is, even now,
beginning to expand to include us in Her archetypal
embrace.
In the absence of a traditional mythic example to spur
me on and sustain me through my midlife changes, I perceived
the need to invent one. So I formulated a fourth stage
of development that would place me after the Mother
and before the Crone in a newly defined continuum of
Womanhood, thus providing me and other women of my generation
with a recognizable role model for our middle years:
The Four Fold Goddess: The Maiden, the Mother, The Queen
and the Crone.
My construct of the four stages of a woman’s
life is a much more accurate description of the current
Way of Womanhood. Her four periods of growth and transformation
resonate deeply with contemporary women. And they seem
so natural, somehow. They are in complete metaphoric
alignment with the pervasive way that peoples have always
ordered existence into Four Quarters. The Four Quarters
of the Moon, the Four Seasons of the Year, the Four
Solstices and Equinoxes, the Four Elements, the Four
Cardinal Directions of the Earth, the Four Periods of
the Day.
Is this hubris? Who am I to challenge an archetype
that has been so powerful for so many for so long? Well,
I am in fact, a proud member of the pioneering Sixties
Generation, and consequently, I have a certain modest
amount of experience in rebelling against the status
quo of old archetypes and striving to replace them with
new, more inclusive and relevant ones. Our generation
has demonstrated time and again that it is possible
to create our own characters, compose our own scripts,
and author the sagas of our own lives. We are our own
role models. Bereft of affirming depictions of our lives,
today’s women-of-a-certain-age are more than ready,
willing, and perfectly capable of creating our own.
The mythic model that I envision is recognizably like
me, like us. Not yet old, yet no longer young, she stands
in her proper place -- after the Mother and before the
Crone -- in No Woman’s Land. She plants her flag
and claims her space in this previously uncharted midlife
territory. Still active and sexy, vital with the enthusiasm
and energy of youth, she is tempered with the hard earned
experience and leavening attitudes of age.
She has been forced to face and overcome obstacles
and hard lessons including her own shadow, and in so
doing, has outgrown the boundaries of her old self.
Agitated with the unessential and restless for authenticity,
She sheds all attachment to the opinions of others and
accepts complete responsibility and control for her
own care, feeding, and fulfillment. She is the Queen
of Her Self, the mature monarch, the sole sovereign
of Her own life and destiny. Here, finally, is an archetype
that fits.
The Queen paradigm promotes a new understanding of what
it might mean to be a middle-aged woman today who accepts
complete responsibility for and to her self, and it
celebrates the physical, emotional, and spiritual rewards
of doing so. Becoming a Queen is not automatic, nor
is it instantaneous. As Simone de Beauvoir said, “One
is not born a woman, one becomes one.”
The Queen bursts forth from adversity and previous
constraints, actual or imagined, to become a proficient
player in the game plan of Her choice. The Queen does
not invite hard times and trouble, but She chooses to
use them well. Actualized, organized, efficient, self-sufficient,
competent, ethical, and fair, the Queen has struggled
for and earned Her authority and respect. Determined
and firmly centered on Her own two feet, She dares to
climb, step after step, with nascent surety into the
heady realm of Her own highest majesty.
Once on her throne and crowned, the Queen glows golden
with confidence, competence, and grace. She is fully
aroused and takes great pleasure in the feelings of
freedom, elation and wellbeing that come from personal
empowerment. This thrilling post-menopausal period of
vitality, renewed energy, enhanced self-esteem, optimism,
and enthusiasm comes to us in direct proportion to the
intensity of our own conscious, conscientious engagement
in the process and consequences of transformation.
Another gift of self-enfranchisement is the potent
and extremely liberating sexuality of the Queen. Shining
from the inside out, Her attractiveness and attraction
is rooted deeply in Her self-actualization, self-worth,
and inner strength. She exudes a primal excitement,
Her power palpable in her very presence. Her desire
reaches the boiling point and her inhibitions melt in
the heat of Her renewed passion for life.
It was through my own process of coming of age that
I conceived of the Queen as the missing link in the
chain of life for modern women in the here-to-fore incomplete
Triple Goddess archetype. Through my own intentions
and concerted efforts, by constantly questioning and
reconfiguring, by struggling to mourn and then release
what was irrevocably lost, I was trying to recover my
own misplaced vitality, interest, and energy after the
long hard painful years of my disconcerting midlife
changes.
Finally completely self-realized, I was ready and able,
and for the first time in my life, I was actually willing
to reign; to accept the responsibility for the truth
and complete consequences of my own dreams, decisions,
and actions. I was a maturing monarch prepared to regulate
all of the inner and outer realms of my own domain.
By the time I reached 53 or so, I knew myself to be
the uncontested mistress of my own fate. Miraculously,
it seemed, I had succeeded in turning my midlife crisis
into my diamond-encrusted crowning achievement. Surely
I was a Queen, and not a Crone. I was the Queen of My
Self.
When I first began conceptualizing the Queen, I dreamt
of a ceremonial crowning. My dreamtime punster made
herself proud as she at once confirmed my passage as
through the birth canal into a new life, and acknowledged
my newly earned sovereign station -- both in a single,
concise, and vivid image. In this Crowning Ceremony,
I ascended the throne of my passion and power and pledged
myself to my Self. Always aware of the promise of that
dramatic nocturnal ordination, I have worn my crown
of self-confidence ever since. The more I think about
the Queen, the more I become her. And the more Queenly
I become, the more I desire to be in the company of
other Queens.
"As long as I live, I will have control over
my being -- you find the spirit of Caesar in me."
-Artemisia Gentileschi
Italian painter, 1593-1652
Long Live the Queens!
Donna Henes, Urban Shaman, is a contemporary ceremonialist
specializing in multi-cultural ritual celebration of
the cycles of the seasons and the seasons of our lives.
She
is the author of The Queen of My Self, The
Moon Watcher's Companion, Celestially Auspicious
Occasions, and Dressing Our Wounds In Warm
Clothes, as well as the CD, Reverence To Her: Mythology,
The Matriarchy & Me. She is also the editor and
publisher of the highly acclaimed quarterly journal,
Always In Season: Living In Sync with the Cycles.
In 1982, she composed the first (and to this date,
the only) satellite peace message in space: "chants
for peace * chance for peace."
Mama Donna, as she is affectionately known, has offered
lectures, workshops, circles, and celebrations worldwide
for 30 years. She is the director of Mama Donna’s
Tea Garden & Healing Haven, a ceremonial center,
ritual consultancy and spirit shop in
Exotic Brooklyn, New York. For further information,
a list of services and publications, a calendar
of upcoming events and a complimentary issue of Always
in Season: Living in Sync with the Cycles.
Donna Henes will be teaching the workshop
Queen of Myself : Women Stepping Into Sovereignty
in Mid Life
go here to find out more http://www.susunweed.com/workshops.htm#queen
September 12th 2004 at the Wise Woman Center
For registrations, contact:
Susun Weed and The Wise Woman Center
PO Box 64 Woodstock NY 12498
phone/fax: 845-246-8081
Or register online at www.wisewomanbookshop.com
MAMA DONNA'S TEA GARDEN AND HEALING HAVEN
PO Box 380403
Exotic Brooklyn, NY 11238-0403
Phone/Fax 718-857-2247
Email:CityShaman@aol.com
http://www.DonnaHenes.net
http://www.TheQueenOfMySelf.com
To order The Queen of My Self right now! go
to...
http://www.Amazon.com or
http://www.The QueenOfMySelf.com